Part 15
Chakotay stared at Tom in complete silence, reeling from the
impact of the younger man's quiet statement.
The doctor's tests said that Tarra could be Tom's biological
daughter. Nope! It didn't sink in. Chakotay tried again.
Tarra.
Could.
Be.
Tom's.
Biological.
Daughter.
Chakotay shook his head. It *still* didn't sink in. He blinked and
refocused on Tom, who was watching him anxiously, waiting
for his husband to say something. Finally, Chakotay took a deep
breath and asked, "How can that be possible?"
The young man shrugged. "I don't know. It shouldn't..." Tom's
voice trailed off and he frowned when a childhood memory
teased at the edge of his mind.
Chakotay leaned forward, his gaze intent on his spouse. "What
is it, Tom?" he asked.
"Something I learned in history as a child," Tom replied. "It was
about 'The Old Ones'. Something that could explain this, but I
can't recall exactly what it was." His frown deepened as he tried
to remember that part of Darrbakhian history. A moment later he
gave up. Looking at his husband, he said, "Nothing. It won't
come back."
Chakotay sighed quietly upon hearing the defeat in Tom's voice.
"Baby," he said, his own voice soft. When the younger man
looked at him, Chakotay continued. "Why don't you ask
Rhiannon? If she doesn't remember, then she can find out."
Tom straightened in his chair and gave Chakotay a brilliant
smile. "Of course! Why didn't *I* think of that!" he exclaimed.
Then he glanced at the bedroom door uncertainly. "What if
Tarra wakes up? Can you take care of her?"
Chakotay smiled gently at his husband. "Of course I can take
care of Tarra," he said. "I did for two hours this morning, while
you were having fun with the doctor," he teased.
Tom snorted. "Ha, ha. You know, Chakotay, that wasn't funny."
"No?"
"No!" Tom said in a stern voice, trying hard not to laugh. The
amusement in his eyes gave him away, though, and when
Chakotay started chuckling, Tom lost it and burst out laughing.
After a moment their laughter subsided, and Tom sat back in his
chair with a quiet sigh. Looking at Chakotay, he said, "Well, I
better contact Rhiannon. The sooner I talk to her, the sooner we
can find out about this."
When his husband nodded his agreement, Tom closed his eyes
and tried to open his mental link to his sister. Then he frowned.
The bond was strained. More so than the distance between them
warranted.
After a moment of trying, Tom opened his eyes and met the
puzzled gaze of his beloved. Tom picked up his cup, and drank
the rest of his now-cold tea. Then he put down the empty cup
and looked into Chakotay's dark eyes. Taking a deep breath,
Tom answered the unspoken question. "There's something
wrong. My bond to Rhiannon is incredibly strained." He ran a
hand through his hair before he continued. "It isn't just the strain
of distance. I've been in contact with her before, while we've
been here, you know, and the link wasn't half as weak, then, as it
is now."
Chakotay frowned, considering what his spouse had just said. A
moment later, he looked back into Tom's eyes. "Are you sure
something's wrong?" he asked quietly. "Couldn't it be the
combination of time *and* distance?"
Tom cocked his head slightly while he thought about it. Finally
he shook his head. "No," he answered. "It shouldn't make a
difference. At least," he added. "Not *this* big a difference."
Chakotay opened his mouth, but before he could say anything,
Tom frowned and muttered, "Rhiannon is trying to contact me."
His frown deepened as he concentrated on opening the link to
his sister. It took a moment, but finally the connection was
reasonably clear, and Tom heard his sister's 'voice' in his mind.
#Hi, Ishaan,# Rhiannon 'said'. #I'm sorry about the problem with
our bond, but I've been sick.#
#Nothing serious, I hope,# Tom 'said', obviously worried.
Rhiannon sent a wave of reassurance through the link. #No, it
wasn't serious. I just had a fever, that's all.#
Tom breathed a sigh a relief. #Good. So, you're better now?# he
asked.
#Yes, I am,# Rhiannon answered with a mental smile. #Now,
was there any particular reason you wanted to talk to me? Or did
you just want to disturb me?# The teasing was clear.
Tom snorted in amusement. #I just wanted to disturb you,# he
teased back. Then he became serious. #No, actually I need to
ask you something.#
*****
For a moment, Chakotay sat quietly, watching while Tom
'spoke' with Rhiannon. Needing something to do while he
waited, he rose from the couch, picked up both cups and carried
them over to the recycler.
As he was putting the cups in the recycler, Chakotay heard
Tarra's voice. Quickly finishing his task, he then turned and
went into the bedroom and found the child standing in her crib,
facing the door.
When Chakotay entered the bedroom, Tarra smiled at him and
held out her arms, clearly communicating her wish to be lifted
up. Chakotay smiled back and walked over to the crib. "Well,
that was a short nap," he said as he picked up the little girl. Tarra
just giggled happily, making Chakotay's smile widen.
Chakotay looked at the child in his arms, utterly in love with his
daughter. After a moment, he asked, "What do you want to do
now, Angel?"
Tarra gazed at her father seriously, then sent him a mental image
of Tom. She clearly wanted to know where her daddy was, and
Chakotay frowned, contemplating how to explain it. Finally he
gave up, and carried Tarra into the living room where Tom sat.
Tarra smiled happily at the sight of Tom and wriggled in
Chakotay's arms, wanting to be put down on the floor. When
Chakotay obeyed, Tarra immediately ran over and climbed onto
Tom's lap, gazing intently into his face for a moment. Sensing
his mental conversation, Tarra turned around so she was sitting
with her back to Tom's chest and waited for her daddy to finish.
A few minutes later, Tom ended his conversation with Rhiannon
and looked down at the little girl on his lap, smiling softly when
Tarra turned her head and looked at him. "Hi pumpkin," he said
quietly, his smile widening when he 'heard' Tarra's greeting in
his mind.
However, Tom's smile disappeared when Tarra 'told' him about
Chakotay's inability to explain what Tom had been doing. Tom
looked at his husband, who'd sat down on the couch again, and
lifted an eyebrow. "Tarra tells me that you couldn't explain to
her that I was 'talking' with Rhiannon," he said.
Chakotay blushed slightly and nodded. "Yeah. I'm not sure how
to explain that mentally," he said.
Tom sighed softly. "Well then, I'll have to show you, won't I?"
he asked.
"Actually, I'd be glad if you'd explain how to clearly
communicate with Tarra," Chakotay answered. Hesitating for a
moment, he added, "But not now. I think that our friends would
like to meet Tarra. You can teach me how to 'talk' with her
later." When Tom nodded his agreement, Chakotay changed the
subject. "What did your sister say?"
Tom sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I
started by telling her about Tarra, how she lost her parents. That
she'd been found by the Sakaran, and that she'd been sick. In
short, I explained how we got a sixteen-month-old daughter.
Rhiannon was full of compassion for Tarra and told me that
we'd done the right thing," Tom said. Frowning slightly as he
gathered his thoughts, he then continued. "Then I told her what
the Doc discovered."
Chakotay interrupted Tom's resume of the conversation with
Rhiannon. "How did she react?" he asked curiously.
Tom chuckled. "Pretty much like *you* did when I told you," he
answered. Then he paused, reconsidering his sister's reaction.
"Actually she didn't believe me at first. She thought it was a joke
until I showed her a mental picture of Tarra. Then she was
stunned."
Tom grinned at the memory of his usually talkative sister
rendered speechless. It wasn't something that happened often.
Normally, Rhiannon was never at a loss for words, and Tom was
delighted every time he managed to make her silent for more
than two seconds at a time.
Chakotay laughed at Tom's delight. He knew that Tom and
Rhiannon always tried to make each other speechless, which
really was a hard task. Those two always had an answer, no
matter what you said. The only time Chakotay had ever
managed to make Tom at a loss for words was the time he'd
asked Tom to marry him.
Chakotay smiled at the memory. Tom hadn't expected
Chakotay's proposal, although he should have. Chakotay had
never made a secret of his feelings for Tom. From the beginning
of their relationship, Chakotay had frequently told Tom how
much he loved him. He had from the first moment he saw the
beautiful blond.
Thinking back to that first meeting, Chakotay remembered
following Ro Laren into the bar where Tom waited for them,
sitting at a table, sipping his beer and looking bored. A look that
vanished from his face and was replaced with a genuine smile
when he spotted Ro.
As he followed Ro to the table, Chakotay studied the blue-eyed
blond that she'd told him so much about. He was stunningly
beautiful. A fact that Ro had failed to mention.
The jealousy Chakotay felt when Ro kissed the younger man
had astounded him. Never before had Chakotay been so
instantly attracted to another, and when he shook Tom's hand, a
flash of electricity coursed through him. It took all his self-
control not to pull Tom into his arms and kiss him senseless.
The three of them had talked for awhile, and it had been decided
that Tom would join Chakotay's ship as the pilot. The Crazy
Horse desperately needed a new pilot, having lost the last one
the week before. Since then Chakotay had flown the ship, but it
was hard, having two duties at once, especially in battle. So
Chakotay had been relieved when Ro had told him that she
knew someone, a pilot, who might be interested in joining the
Maquis.
When Ro told him that they were meeting Tom Paris, Chakotay
was surprised. He wondered why a pilot of that caliber would be
interested in joining the Maquis. He asked Ro and she told him
that, like all Darrbakhians, Tom Paris was appalled by Star
Fleet's treaty with the Cardassians. He wanted to help the
Maquis in any way he could.
Now, back in his quarters on the Crazy Horse, Chakotay's mind
was occupied with his new pilot. Tom was in his thoughts
constantly and would be for the next several days.
*****
Tom had put the Crazy Horse in orbit around the planet that the
Maquis used as their home base, and the crew had all left the
ship, going to the places where they stayed whenever they were
in orbit.
Chakotay looked out of the window in his living room, lost in
thought. He was thinking about Tom Paris, as had been the norm
in the nine days since the pilot joined the Crazy Horse.
Chakotay was incredibly attracted to Tom, and had been from
the moment that he saw him. At first, Chakotay thought that it
was just a physical attraction he felt towards the beautiful blond.
But when he started having trouble concentrating on the bridge,
Chakotay began to suspect that there was more to it.
Denying that he felt more for Tom than mere physical attraction
had worked until four days ago. Chakotay had been sitting in the
Captain's Chair, staring at the blond head of the pilot in front of
him, and suddenly felt an almost overwhelming urge to go over
to Tom, pick him up, carry him to his quarters and make love to
him until the blond screamed in ecstasy. That was when
Chakotay realized that he was in love with the man.
Chakotay shook himself out of his reverie and hesitated for a
moment. Then he decided to find Tom and tell him about his
feelings. If Tom rejected him, so be it. If he didn't... Chakotay
cut off the thought, not daring to hope. With one last look
around his living room, Chakotay left, intent on finding Tom.
Starting at the house where Tom was staying, Chakotay
searched for the pilot, having been told that Tom had left a few
hours earlier. When Chakotay ran into Greg Ayala, he asked if
he had seen Tom. Greg told him that he'd seen the pilot enter a
bar nearby. Chakotay thanked the other man and left him.
Entering the bar, Chakotay looked around and saw Tom sitting
alone at a table, obviously deep in his own thoughts. Chakotay
studied Tom for awhile. He thought that the young man seemed
sad, and wondered why.
Shaking off the thought, Chakotay walked over to Tom, who
didn't notice him. Just as Chakotay reached the table, Tom
sighed and finished his beer. When the young man put down his
glass, Chakotay spoke. "I've been looking for you, Paris," he
said softly. Fighting the rush of desire he felt, Chakotay added,
"Ayala told me he'd seen you coming in here."
Tom slowly lifted his head, looked at Chakotay and said, "Looks
like you found me, Captain. What can I do for you?" He lifted
an eyebrow in query.
"I'd like to talk to you, Tom," Chakotay said, not even noticing
that he'd used Tom's name. When the young man waved to the
chair on the other side of the table, Chakotay added, "In
private."
Tom nodded and rose to his feet, gesturing for Chakotay to lead
the way. The two men left the bar, walking to Chakotay's house.
When they entered Chakotay's living room, Tom and Chakotay
sat down opposite each other. For a moment there was silence.
Now that he'd gotten Tom alone, Chakotay didn't know how to
start. Fortunately, Tom seemed to pick up on Chakotay's
insecurity, and gave him an opening.
"What did you want to talk to me about, Captain?" Tom asked.
Tom's quiet voice startled Chakotay and he looked at the man,
studying him for a moment before replying. "Actually, it was
more like I wanted to tell you something," Chakotay said.
Hesitating for a split-second, he then confessed, "Now, I'm not
sure what to say. I don't know how you'll react," Chakotay
added.
Tom searched his face for a moment, then said, "Just tell me. I
won't react badly to anything you say, Captain." Tom's voice
was sincere. "I promise."
Chakotay sighed. Rising from the couch, he went over to look
out the window, gathering his thoughts *and* his courage. He'd
faced Cardassians in battle and hadn't been half as scared as he
was now, faced with the prospect of telling Tom Paris that he
was in love with him. He had no idea how the young blond
would respond. Tom had said he wouldn't react badly to
whatever Chakotay told him, and the Big Man suspected that he
was telling the truth. That didn't mean, however, that Tom
wouldn't reject him, and that scared the living hell out of him.
Chakotay started when he felt Tom's hand on his shoulder. He'd
been so deep in thought that he hadn't heard the young man get
up and walk over to stand behind him. He turned to face him,
and Tom spoke again.
"Tell me, Chakotay. It can't be *that* bad." Tom voice was
gentle. Then he smiled slightly and added, "Unless you're going
to tell me that the Cardassians have defeated the Federation, in
which case you wouldn't bring me here to tell me in private."
Chakotay snorted in amusement. "No, I wouldn't. But this is
harder to say than I thought."
"Tell me," Tom repeated, his voice now soft with concern.
Chakotay nodded and closed his eyes. After sighing deeply, he
opened them again and looked at Tom. "I have to tell you... I...
are you... I mean..." Chakotay stammered before blurting out,
"I love you."
Tom's eyes widened in obvious surprise and he gasped softly.
"You love me?" he repeated, his voice breathless and uncertain.
Chakotay nodded, his heart beating double time. He was still
unsure of Tom's reaction.
Tom looked into Chakotay's dark eyes and saw the depth of his
feelings for him.
"You love me." Tom's voice was full of wonder. "Do you have
any idea how I've longed to hear you say that? I think I must've
fallen in love with you when we first met," Tom said softly.
The quiet confession made Chakotay's heart sing. Then he
thought of something, and softly asked, "Why didn't you say
anything?"//
*****
Tom sat in his chair, Tarra on his lap, and studied his husband.
Without opening the bond between them, Tom knew what
Chakotay was thinking about. The expressions crossing
Chakotay's face told Tom that his husband was remembering the
night they became lovers.
It was one of their favorite memories, but Tom decided to
interrupt. This wasn't the time for a trip down memory lane. He
was going to tell Chakotay what Rhiannon had said, and then
they were taking Tarra out to meet their friends.
When Chakotay felt Tom's active presence in his mind, he
blinked slowly and looked over at his spouse and child, who
were waiting for him to snap out of his reverie. Chakotay
thought for a moment, trying to remember what he and Tom had
been talking about. When it came back to him, he smiled and
asked, "So, what did Rhiannon say about the reason for Tarra's
genetic similarity to you?"
Tom frowned slightly. "At first she was puzzled, but when I
mentioned that piece of Darrbakhian history I'd forgotten, she
agreed that it might have something to do with 'The Old Ones',"
Tom said. He sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair
before adding, "She doesn't remember it either, but she promised
to look into it."
Chakotay nodded. "Okay," he said. Then he looked at Tarra,
who was shifting slightly on Tom's lap, and continued. "But
right now, I think that Tarra needs to have her diaper changed,
and then we should visit Harry and B'Elanna. Knowing them,
they're dying to meet this little lady," Chakotay finished with a
smile.
Tom returned the smile and rose to his feet, Tarra in his arms.
Tom looked at his daughter, and said, "Okay, pumpkin. Time to
change your diaper." At the same time he sent her a mental
picture, showing what was going to happen.
Tarra shook her head no and said, "Daddy," while sending both
men a clear picture of Chakotay.
Tom laughed. "Well, Love, it seems that you're being drafted for
diaper changing duty," he said and handed Tarra to Chakotay,
who'd risen from the couch.
Chakotay gave Tom a dirty look as he took Tarra. Then he
carried the girl into the bedroom, put her on the bed and
retrieved a fresh diaper and a clean set of clothes. Sitting down
on the edge of the bed and laying the things beside him,
Chakotay then sighed. He'd forgotten to get a towel to put under
Tarra, and a wet cloth to wash her.
Soft laughter from the bedroom door made Chakotay turn his
head to look at his smirking husband.
"Forget something, Love?" Tom teased.
"Yes, I did," Chakotay answered, unsuccessfully trying to look
stern. Giving up after a moment, he smiled sweetly and
continued. "And since you find this amusing, you can go into
the bathroom and get me a towel and a wet cloth."
Tom sighed in a put upon manner, but did as he was told.
Taking a cloth, Tom soaked it in lukewarm water, wrung it and
then picked up a clean towel before he returned to the bedroom.
Chakotay had gotten Tarra out of her clothes, leaving her in her
diaper.
Tom walked over to the bed, handed Chakotay the wet cloth and
put the towel under Tarra. Then he moved back a little and
watched while Chakotay removed the dirty diaper, washed Tarra
and put on the fresh diaper and clean clothes.
When he was finished changing Tarra, Chakotay picked her up
and turned to Tom, saying, "I was thinking..."
"Dangerous pastime, Big Man," Tom interrupted teasingly.
Chakotay gave Tom a look that shut him up, then continued. "If
we assume that Tarra *is* somehow related to you, then she's
Darrbakhian, right?" Chakotay waited for Tom's nod before
asking, "So, assuming that, have you thought about Darrbakhian
tradition?"
Tom frowned, not sure what Chakotay was thinking about. After
a moment, Tom asked, "Which Darrbakhian tradition are you
referring to, exactly?"
Chakotay lifted an eyebrow, surprised that Tom apparently
didn't know. "I'm referring to the 'sibling-bond," he answered.
At Tom's startled expression, Chakotay continued. "You know,
if it's turns out that Tarra *is* Darrbakhian, she should get a
'sibling-bond'." Chakotay hesitated when a thought hit him.
"Unless, of course, she already has one," he added.
Tom shook his head. "She doesn't. I'd have sensed it when she
communicated with us mentally," he explained.
Chakotay nodded. He hadn't really thought that Tarra had a
'sibling-bond'. He knew that Tom would've told him if that had
been the case. But it was also clear that Tom hadn't thought
about this, and for a brief moment Chakotay reconsidered what
he had been about to say. Then he decided that it was something
they needed to talk about. "So if it turns out that Tarra's
Darrbakhian, she'll need a 'sibling-bond'. Which means that we
have to decide who to bond her with."
Tom blinked. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind, but
Chakotay was right. If Tarra *was* Darrbakhian, she would
need to be bonded to a brother or sister. Tom just didn't have
any idea who it should be.